Monday, November 16, 2009

Two Steps Back. I Think.

Saturday passed in a comfortable haze. The rain pelted down incessantly outside my window causing folks with weekend plans all sorts of minor headaches. Since I had none - plans that is - I was just fine curled up on the couch tapping away on my keyboard filling out application forms.

Gingersnap dropped in on her way out to a party with a whole bunch of DVDs on loan from Colossus. I knew Beans was going to the same party since he'd mentioned it during our phone call on Friday night. So also Ms. McSlutty from last week. My curiosity got the better of me, and I asked Gingersnap about her. The answer was not what I was expecting.

Turns out, she's one of their mutual friends. But she's a McSlutty alright,
Gingersnap snorted. She'll flirt with anything that's wearing pants. Anytime. Anywhere. If that's the girl you mentioned Beans was "with" last weekend, then I'd say it was a 99% chance that she initiated what you saw. Probably did her best to keep it going too.

Not quite sure what to make of this revelation, I bid goodbye to Gingersnap who promised to text me from the party should she see a repeat of last weekend. Later, I got a message saying that Beans hadn't shown up and said that he wasn't feeling well. McSlutty on the other hand had found a new couch partner for that night.

Still thinking about G's parting words, I began to question what I had "seen" last weekend. Had I just imagined everything? Taken a simple gesture of an arm around someone and heads bent together in conversation to mean much more than it actually had been? Had I completely misread the situation and had made a mountain of a molehill? I tried to recall the scene. Play it back, take in the details. But it was all fuzzy and I started to give myself a headache with questioning everything.

I turned off my phone and went back to my marathon movie night.

Sunday was almost half over before I surfaced. Thankfully the rain had ceased and the forecast promised overcast skies, but clear. Against my better judgement, I texted Beans and asked if he was doing ok. Not sick. Just tired from the painting. Want to go see a movie? was the reply. We decided on a 3:15 show that afternoon. Almost at once, he called back. Ireland was playing Australia in Rugby and he'd forgotten about that. But if I wanted, I was welcome to come over and watch the game at his place. It actually worked out perfectly, since a) I'd spend way less watching the rugby match than I would at the movies and b) I needed to head into the city centre anyway as I was meeting Gingersnap later.

That afternoon was the best times I've spent with Beans in... well.... forever. He had all these diagrams ready for me to explain the rules and the plays, and painstakingly answered all of my questions - and we all know just how much guys hate talking when watching sports! It was fun. Real fun. Easy, no bull shit, relaxed fun. Something we hadn't had together in a long long time. And it helped that Ireland put on a good show to spectacularly tie the game just 2 seconds before the clock ran down.

He made me dinner, we laughed and chatted some more. As I gathered my things to leave, he asked if he could tag along. Gingersnap and I were meeting at George Square to watch the Christmas lights turned on. It was hardly a private meeting, so I said yes. We met G and Colossus, listened to the music, watched the fireworks, clapped when the lights went on and then ducked past the 100s of families with kiddies towards the Counting House and a pint.

Beans walked me to the bus stand after. The rain that had held off all evening finally started to pitter patter. Neither of us had an umbrella and we drew into the shelter of the store awning. Danielle Steele couldn't have written a better scenario. The bus was ages coming and we were getting increasingly wet. So instead, we walked back to his place and watched the new season of Top Gear. Curled up together on the couch, our wet clothes drying on the radiator.

That night, leaving was not an option. I wish I could say it were, but in honestly, I didn't even once think about it. Staying with him and making love to him was the only thing that felt right.

Had he planned the whole thing? Maybe.
Had he wooed me that evening? Definitely.
Had I just destroyed whatever progress I had made on Friday night? Perhaps.

I don't know what is the right thing and the wrong thing here. I'm flying blind. The only thing I do know, is that Sunday was a great day for me. A relaxing day. A FUN day. I hadn't tried too hard and he hadn't been a jerk. Far from it.

I do know that I could do with more days like that. Rain and all.


Anonymous said...

Only you know what's right for you at any time.


laurie said...

it sounds lovely. i hope you don't get hurt again, dear. but i don't think you did the wrong thing. soemtimes you just have to go with it.

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