Monday, August 31, 2009

At Last

It is 11 pm and I'm tired to the bone. I'll be going to be soon. In my OWN room, in my OWN apartment.

It's going to be the sweetest sleep in a long time. And boy am I looking forward to it. I wanted to write a lot more about the move and today, but its going to have to wait until after I get some desperately needed shut eye!

Stay tuned.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Momma's No Fool

Excerpts from my Mum's emails over the past week. She doesn't know a thing about what's been going on here. Yet......

Dear Pixy,

I was very uneasy and worried after talking to you
on Saturday. I sensed
that all was not quite okay.
I am praying for you that things may work out,
only if it is going to be good for you both. I also
pray that you may
get some kind of employment
to sustain yourself.

Pixy, you have
never given me a ear, but there
are some things I would like to say. You have
choice to heed and take note or to ignore and cast

There are a lot of compromises that one has to
make in a
relationship. For this it is very important
to talk for very often each one
is just assuming
what the other is thinking. Please change your
slip shod
ways and be neat with your things. That sort of
thing can really put
somebody off.

Remember you can't always get your way also
try to
see things from the other person's point
of view. Learn to swallow your pride
and admit
if you have done something wrong. It never hurts
to say you are

I don't know how soon you plan to move out and
get a
place of your own. I know you still don't have
a job and that could pose a
problem. Take up even
a small job if you have to in the meantime so
you have something coming in. Talk to VBF for
advice; she has
done well for herself.

Last but not the least, pray. Go to Him for
help and
you will be surprised as to how He can help. Just talk
to God
and that in itself is prayer. Maybe this is your
time to get back to where
you left off with God. Try it.

With all my prayers and

And then yesterday:

Hey great news. Congratulations! This is a first for you
Your own apt.
And I'm glad it is one that you like.

I'm sure you are feeling better now that at least one
has fallen in place. I had written to you about compromise,
but I do
want to add that the compromise has to come from
both sides. In compromising
don't bend so far back that
you break. At all times keep your self esteem and
and don't compromise on that. There are bound to be many
ups and
downs in your relationship and these can be sorted
out by talking

We received the post card sent from Israel. I spoke to
and Papa a couple of days ago and they too have received
one and
are thrilled about it. I know you will be busy moving
on Monday but do
remember their anniversary on the 1st.

Send us pictures of your
apt. when possible. You will need
a lot of stuff but don't be hasty and buy
things too soon.

Bye and be safe.

Friday, August 28, 2009

I Take Thee....

Saw two more apartments today, but I was distracted the entire time. I kept thinking of the Crow Road apartment I saw yesterday. The location was great - close to bus routes, the subway and the train station, the room the right size (not too big; I hate being lost in a room), the potential roommate seemed nice (chatty and fun, but not too much - you know what I mean). And the rent. Perfect!

Texted the guy to let him know I was interested in taking the room and for good measure sent along an email as well.

Now, I wait. And anxiously chew on my fingernails in the mean time.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

On the Hunt

Armed to the teeth with information on the flats, and a handy dandy map book of the city, I set off to view the first lot of apartments on Tuesday evening. I'd just heard back from Ginger (VBF's friend) that she'd spoken with the roomies and everything was a go for Thursday. Suffice to say I was feeling good about things.

JellyCake had offered to come flat viewing with me and together we walked down to the first stop. On our way there, I get a call from Beans; Just done with work now... meet you at the flat. Again, confusing. He has the opportunity to have an entire evening of alone time - something he said he was craving - then he chooses to come spend it with me? Bizarre behaviour indeed. But, I digress... back to the story.

We found the door of the first flat sandwiched between 2 pubs on Hope Street. NOT the best start. Already, I envisioned the doorstep being used as a urinal every Friday and Saturday nights! Called the girl and she came down to get us. We followed her up a narrow winding staircase. Half way up, she stopped to unlock a door. Then, more narrow winding stairs. Another door. This time it looked like the front door thankfully. JellyCake was about to have a coronary. She opened the door - more steps! And after all that, the apartment was nothing to write home about. But I will anyway!! Dirty, dusty, messy, icky. That about sums it up. The girl proceeds to tell us that the landlords won't do a formal tenancy agreement and just want to be paid in cash every month. Shady Indians! And the clincher; there is no buzzer to the apartment, so every single time you have a guest, or a delivery or even the post, you have to walk down 4 flights of stairs and past 3 doors to get it yourself! As we made our way down, JellyCake joked about the possibility of putting in a fireman's pole to speed up the process.

The next place was by Glasgow Green. And what a difference! Ground floor apartment with beautiful 14ft high ceilings. Large airy rooms. Beautiful modern kitchen. All the rooms tastefully decorated and very clean and tidy. The landlord who was showing us around commented that it used to be a firehouse and both JellyCake and I giggled and asked if there was a pole!

JellyCake had to leave, so Beans and I carried on to the last place of the day. A lovely roomy apartment at the other end of Glasgow Green. Two girls who I gleamed to be around my age showed us around. Chatty owned the apartment and was relocating to Ireland. Smiley was staying behind and judging by the terrific smells from the kitchen area - was a great cook! (Score!) AND there was 2 full washrooms which meant no sharing! (Double Score!)

The location however was a bit out of the way with narry a shop or bus stop in sight. The only way to get to the apartment was walking past the Green, which Beans told me was not the best place after dark. Still, those girls had lived there for 2 years now and they seemed happy enough. I wished the place was better located. It just had such a happy vibrant feel and I saw myself being able fit in there quite happily.

Day 2 of the apartment hunt took us to Queen Margaret Road near the Botanic Gardens. Beautiful area, HORRIBLE flat. T'was a bedsit to begin with (a bachelor for those on the other side of the Atlantic) and not the nicest. As Beans put it on the way out, it would take a supreme human being not to loose the will to live after being in that place for a month.

Onwards then to Highburn Road near Hillhead subway and to what can only be described as the house that was featured in the recent issue of modern city living. Immaculately decorated and beautifully maintained. A nice enough guy for a landlord, but I didn't get a nice homely vibe off the place. In fact, I was almost too terrified to step onto the rug with my wet boots or sit on the couch and muss up the upholstery! The guy mentioned how he likes things clean and tidy, but is not (with emphasis) a neat freak. Readers, you could have performed open heart surgery off the dining table. As we walked away, I thought about some of my friends and how I would NEVER EVER be able to invite them over should I take that room. Apparently there is such a thing as too beautiful!

Today was a roaring success! Two flats, both in the west end, both good prices and locations and nice roommates. The first an Irishman who turns out was recently best man at the wedding of one of Beans' high school classmates. (Does everyone know everyone in Ireland?) The other a lovely lady in her late 30s who at first was all quite and shy, but then turned out to be in HR and seemed quite pleased that it was my field as well. The second place was a bit of a walk to the subway and the shops, but SUCH a beautiful apartment with a wee little garden as well. As for the groceries, online shopping is just the ticket. Beans also confirmed that the location was simply tops. The sort of place that would never give us any business he declared cheekily.

And so ended another day on the hunt. More safari stories to follow.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Kindness of Strangers

Four days after Beans decided to drop his little bombshell on me, I'd had enough of the blow hot, blow cold attitude. He'd make an advance towards sharing time with me, then behave as if I was something off the short bus. I love the man (yes, am using the present tense), but there's only so many veiled insults a gal can take.

I was already in the process of looking for a place of my own, but even the quickest turn around would be a week, maybe two. I needed a stop-gap solution or else I was going to totally loose my mind - and whatever little self worth I had left.

I started looking around for short term stays at hostels and at the university residence halls. There just didn't seem to be anything available for the (little) money I had and what I could afford was all sold out. And then, salvation! VBF called to tell me that she called around to some of her pals and one of them had a spare room that I could use for around 2 weeks. Just the ticket! A quick series of calls and texts and voila, I had a confirmation on a place to stay.

I'd like to point out that that I'd met this girl all of 3 times before and she'd just literally opened up her house to me. Talk about the right time to believe in a world of kindness again.

And so, I'm moving in with her on Thursday and boy am I looking forward to it! Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm busting back! Its time for a turnaround.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Time and Space

Is it the Theory of Relativity that is explained along the lines of sitting on a stove for a second can feel like it was an hour and sitting with a loved one for an hour can feel like just a second. Well this past weekend felt like I was in a weird time warp that didn't quite follow all of the necessary rules of time and space.

Like on Saturday morning, when Beans returned from his usual weekend bike ride and cheerfully announced that we would go shopping for the printer ink and paper that I needed. Or when that turned into a lovely walk around Glasgow's city centre followed by lunch on a patio when even the rain held off for a few hours enough for us to enjoy a meal in the sunshine. And then he went further to suggest that we should make the most of the glorious day and take the bus tour around the city so that I could known more about the local sights and sounds. All along the tour, he was the poster boy for charm and wit and by the end we were laughing and joking and having a rather wonderful time.

And so, passed Saturday and Sunday as well. And I couldn't help wondering just what was going on. This was not the man who a few days ago could barely look at me and acknowledge that I was in the room and who categorically stated that he couldn't think of one - not one - thing that two of us had in common in order to keep at our relationship.

Today, I look back at the weekend. Yes, it was a more pleasant experience than being ignored and shunned, but was it real? Not once was there a glimmer of love or even genuine friendship. Not one gentle touch or caress... or even a quick hug. A lovely day around the city does not constitute a relationship. Its the little things that really matter. The little things are now non existent. The little things that I had come to count on, and believe in and look forward to that now were memories of what seemed like a very very distant past.

What are my options now?

I can push away my pride, and let it be known that I want this relationship and that I will do all it takes to turn things around. It will probably mean accepting the blame for the failure and trying to do things differently henceforth all the while hoping that it will change the situation and his feeling for me.

Or, I can call it a day. Admit that I made a mistake and move on. I will have my pride, but little else I suppose. And, I will have to face the reality that all of the reasons for me moving here is no longer valid.

Either way, I end up losing. So, does it really matter what I choose?

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Record Breaking

Usain Bolt is shattering world records and reinforcing the conviction that he is the fastest man - ever! I am breaking records of another kind. Just 5 weeks (to the day) after arriving into Glasgow, Beans tells me that he doesn't think our relationship is working out.

Even in the midst of the mental turmoil right now, you've got to admit - I do have a record. I mean, it took 6 months of long distance dating to make a decision to move, and that was followed by another 4 months of preparations and anticipation for a new life and a new chapter together.

I somehow manage to shatter that in a mere 5 weeks. World Relationship Record Committee, are you listening?

I don't know where things went wrong. All I know is that I went off on vacation happy and carefree; eager to explore Israel and I returned from the same vacation with a broken heart and worse - a broken spirit. What was that last straw I wonder? Was it in Haifa, when I got yelled at for not walking along fast enough? Or perhaps it was Ein Gedi at the Dead Sea when sick to my stomach with the raging heat (it was 40C in the shade) I insisted we take a taxi back to the hostel instead of doing the 10 minute walk back.

In any case, I am now the proud holder of a record. Being able to drive away a man who declared that he was fathoms deep in love with me so much that he now cannot even look at me and acknowledge me when I am in the same room.

Unlike Bolt, there is no cheering crowd, no podium of glory and no adoring fans. Just a deafening silence in the apartment as I sit down and try to make sense of my current reality.

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Wedding Preps

With just a few days until we both jet off for the wedding in London and then on to Israel, Beans and I spent most of the weekend doing some prep work. The boy looked into his (vast) closet and decided that he hadn't a thing to wear! And so, we trooped off to look for suitable desert wedding attire. 3 hours and 5 stores later, we finally had all of the ingredients to make the perfect wedding ensemble. Again - this was all for Beans.

Back home, we spread out the map across the dining table and started to plot our route around Israel. Over the next few hours we had about 10 different plans but no consensus!

Ah well.... at least we narrowed down the cities! Tel Aviv, Jerusalem, possible side trip to Bethlehem, down to Mitzpe Ramon for some desert adventures like hand gliding and absailing down the crater. Then on to Ein Gedi and Masada to chill out by the Dead Sea before heading up to Haifa. With Haifa as our base, possible day trips to the Sea of Galilee, Nazareth and Akkon before heading back to Tel Aviv to catch our flight back to London.

Of course, given that Beans is "planning" this trip - it could all change in a heartbeat. Really, I'm just going along for the ride!

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