Monday, August 24, 2009

Time and Space

Is it the Theory of Relativity that is explained along the lines of sitting on a stove for a second can feel like it was an hour and sitting with a loved one for an hour can feel like just a second. Well this past weekend felt like I was in a weird time warp that didn't quite follow all of the necessary rules of time and space.

Like on Saturday morning, when Beans returned from his usual weekend bike ride and cheerfully announced that we would go shopping for the printer ink and paper that I needed. Or when that turned into a lovely walk around Glasgow's city centre followed by lunch on a patio when even the rain held off for a few hours enough for us to enjoy a meal in the sunshine. And then he went further to suggest that we should make the most of the glorious day and take the bus tour around the city so that I could known more about the local sights and sounds. All along the tour, he was the poster boy for charm and wit and by the end we were laughing and joking and having a rather wonderful time.

And so, passed Saturday and Sunday as well. And I couldn't help wondering just what was going on. This was not the man who a few days ago could barely look at me and acknowledge that I was in the room and who categorically stated that he couldn't think of one - not one - thing that two of us had in common in order to keep at our relationship.

Today, I look back at the weekend. Yes, it was a more pleasant experience than being ignored and shunned, but was it real? Not once was there a glimmer of love or even genuine friendship. Not one gentle touch or caress... or even a quick hug. A lovely day around the city does not constitute a relationship. Its the little things that really matter. The little things are now non existent. The little things that I had come to count on, and believe in and look forward to that now were memories of what seemed like a very very distant past.

What are my options now?

I can push away my pride, and let it be known that I want this relationship and that I will do all it takes to turn things around. It will probably mean accepting the blame for the failure and trying to do things differently henceforth all the while hoping that it will change the situation and his feeling for me.

Or, I can call it a day. Admit that I made a mistake and move on. I will have my pride, but little else I suppose. And, I will have to face the reality that all of the reasons for me moving here is no longer valid.

Either way, I end up losing. So, does it really matter what I choose?

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