Last night, I attended the Jays game with my colleagues as one of our Boardmembers hosted us in their Corporate Box. Although it was an eventful evening - extra innings, schoomzing with Boardmembers and Key Clients, dealing with rather tipsy colleague while trying to maintain professional face, and almost missing last bus home - the real excitment of the night actually began after I got home and got to bed.... and got dreaming. A rather strange story unfolded and even though I woke up twice, the dream persisted.
I dreamed that I was on a winter vacation with some friends. It looked like 3 couples and I vacationing together and we were driving to what looked like a winter cabin. My "date" wasn't in the car. The friends (who I didn't know btw) said that he was meeting me there. When we got there, The Ex was waiting. After we checked in, everyone else went off to do something or the other and The Ex and I were left in our room. I don't remember quite what was happening, I just know that I was feeling weird and uncomfortable and totally uneasy. The Ex seemed to be behaving in typical Ex manner and went about as if we were still dating.
At some point, the "friends" called out that they were going off somewhere and that we should join them. As The Ex started to make his way out the door, I turned to him and said something to the effect of "You shouldn't be here. This is wrong. I don't want you here." I then proceeded to turn away from him and and walked away. (very poignantly, I might add into the snow covered trail) I don't remember if there was anything else. It actually doesn't matter.
Cross my heart, there is a point to this rather round about narration.
I met someone on my holiday.
Although I've just been sublimely happy these past 2 weeks since I met him, there's been a little nagging fear at that back of my head. I kept wondering if I was mistaking happiness for a relief from loneliness. He makes me the happiest I have been in a long while, but it was not so long ago that I was still wrapped up in my feelings for The Ex and I wondered if what I was feeling was not exactly correct. Yes, I know that my relationship with The Ex ended last year, but I never ever said I was logical!
It sounds silly, but although I spent a rather sleepless night tossing and turning trying to get that dream out of my head, I'm glad it happened. Call me a kook,(and you're probably doing so right now!) but I know better than to discount my dreams. And anyway, I think is a good sign that my dream self categorically told dream The Ex to "bugger off" and more importantly dream self turned her back on him and walked away.
So really, in spite of tossy-turney night (and consequently dark baggy eyes today), I loved my dream and more importantly feel its OK to allow myself to feel loved again.
OK everyone, feel free to commence laughing at me..................NOW!