There's something missing this year.
The spark... the magic... the wonder.... the joy?
I've tried so hard, and yet I feel nothing. It's Christmas eve and it might as well be any other day of the year - I feel just as empty, just as blah.
Perhaps some will say I'm overreacting. But then if you've known me even a little, you'd know just how important Christmas time is for me. There's always been a magical quality to this time of year - and I DON'T mean the presents and the decorations and the blatant consumerism that invades everyone's minds and thoughts since Nov 1 when the malls begin with the Carols.
I'm talking about a kind of quite but powerful feeling of love and friendship and kinship that though exists all year round, is somehow all that more magnified at this time.
That's just gone.
I've decorated the tree, put up lights, hung up rows of Christmas cards, attended parties and wished friends and family and general strangers on the train "Happy Christmas"
But I still feel empty and very lacking.