Flashback

It hasn't been easy updating the travel blog. Writing about the vacation is forcing me to think about the time that I spent with Beans, to look at all of the happy carefree pictures we took together. They seem so fake somehow, even though I know that is a real smile that I smiled back then.

Every time I upload a batch of pics onto Flickr through some cruel and ironic twist the very first one on the home page would always be the one of the two of us, arms entwined beaming into the camera. On the Mount of Olives in Jerusalem, at the Sea of Galilee, at Shutterbug's wedding, on the beach in Haifa.....

On a whim I counted the number of photographs I had of Beans and I. 59. And those were just the ones I found on Flickr, never mind the hosts of others on my PC.

Last weekend, we went to visit Stirling Castle. We spent almost the whole day together, but it was like being with a ghost. I almost wish I had gone alone. Physically he was there; mentally, emotionally he was leagues away.

I went over today to collect some mail that had come to his house and he told me that he was making a trip back to Ireland. A trip that we had talked about back in July; a trip that was to be my introduction to Ireland - and his family.

Guess that's certainly not happening now. Ah well, I have weekend plans anyway. My hair needs washing or the washroom needs cleaning. Either way, I'm sure I'll be occupied.